Pros and cons of staying married until the children are adults
A common internal struggle is the decision to get a divorce now, or stay together for the children. For some families, the decision comes down to finances. In others, maintaining the family unit is assumed to be in the best interests of the children. Is it selfish as a parent to assume staying in a bad marriage is best for the kids? What happens if mom gets pregnant, do you stay together for the baby? Every marriage and family is unique and what may work for some does not apply to all. When considering your options, it is important to think critically and objectively to weigh all the options.
Some regret giving the marriage a second chance and getting divorced impulsively
Social studies on marriage and divorce recently examined whether after one year from a divorce, had they wished they would have tried to work things out and stay together. To the extent most of us make decisions based on emotions and later justify them with logic, it is easier to call it quits and ask for a divorce in the heat of passion.
Have you ever been mad at someone and realized you were really reacting to some other source of stress and taking your anxiety out on someone else? Your spouse may be triggering some underlying unresolved conflict. When we remove toxic and anxious people and situations from our lives we tend to get along better with one another. By not jumping into a divorce, you might save yourself from grief and regret.
Others know that waiting forever for an improvement in life and people can lead to long term damage
When couples stay together in bad marriages for the benefit of the children, they may be doing more harm than good. Kids can tell when mom and dad are not acting the way they used to and the tension of living in an unhappy home can lead to negative results. While you may think you are helping your children, you might be teaching them bad parenting skills that they will learn and use later in life with their own kids.
Children thrive in stable environments and they may respond to your divorce much better than expected. Cultural changes in society no longer cast a shadow of shame and scandal on divorce and many modern children accept marriage and divorce as common and reasonably expected life events. So long as both parents remain active in the lives of their children, a divorce does not have to be disruptive.
It can be challenging to appreciate a child’s perspective in 2017, which may be significantly different from what we thought and accepted when we were their age. To not step out of your shoes and consider your children’s thoughts critically and objectively, could be a disservice.
Considering divorce? Get started today with an initial consultation by calling (469) 626-5220.